People of Utah County Part 2:

(Peter warned me that I shouldn't have too many posts like these or people will think I am being really judgmental, and I assured him that all of you already knew I was judgmental. Heeee heee,.. just kidding.  I just like to find the humor in life, and this is some of it!)

I ain't no secreat that I am addicted to Dr. Pepper,.. and when I say addicted, I don't mean that lightly,... I really believe it is going to take a 12 step program to help cure me, with lots of relapses.  It's bad.  

Anyway,.. Late one night, I was feeling the need to fill my void with liquid love, as I call it.  Texaco and I are friends.  Patty at the drive through have some good conversations,.. I even thought I would give her a Christmas card this year.  Well the drive through was closed, which meant I actually had to GET OUT of my car.  So I walk in and there is a girl behind the counter that I had never seen there before,.. She was sitting on an empty, upside down, 5 gallon bucket, hunched over.  I filled my green 44oz cup, and walked up to the counter.   She looked up at me.  The shock of what she was doing set in, and I, in an almost comatose state looked at her like a deer the in the head lights.  My whole body frozen.   I looked her in the eye,.. even though one was wondering, and the other met my stare, she spoke.

The worst words my ears could hear. (with-in reason) 

"This is the worst IN-GROWN TOE NAIL I have ever had. I've been picking at it for hours."

Oh goodness,.. I wanted to throw my Dr. Pepper and barf all over my self.  Serious, I can't stand feet,.. and the part of the foot I can't bare to even talk of, is the toes.  Gross.  Ewe.  

I need to go take a shower and brush my teeth now that I have shared these stories.

gahdshdljadjshflajshdfljahdfg(That is me shivering.)

This is who I think of when I see her.

p.s. very little of this post has to do with the eye thing,.. it's purely the foot thing really,.. the eye thing is just an added bonus.

Random People of Utah County: Part One

The other day, in a moment when I pulled into my parking spot at Costco, and stared straight ahead, thinking to my self,........

"Do I dare open the door and go into this store, fully knowing that both of my children are WAY past tired and so am I."

I just decided to sit there and stare.  And then I thought,..  I should totally blog.  

But about what!?!?

And then a black Lexus filled the parking space in front of me.  

It was a lady.  Who was probably in her early 70's, I'd say.   She was wearing FAR too much eyeliner, and I'm pretty sure she just used her eye line for her lip liner, because that was ALSO very dark and thick, with no other lip color.  I thought, how strange.  Does she really look in the mirror after she is done applying her make-up and say,.. "Dang, I look hot"  (cause that's what I do,... and then I make Bailey re-affirm my hotness by asking her how I look, and she replies,.. "Dat's hot mom".  She comes by it naturally, I didn't teach it to her.  

*(if you would like to feel good about your self teach your 2 year old to compliment you in non traditional phrases,.. it's AWESOME)*

ANYWAY,... I already thought she was odd,.. and then it got better.

Her cat crawled into her lap.  It was one of these cats.

(Which I find revolting in and of it's self.  When I think of animal lovers I picture them loving the soft, cuddly animal that wants to snuggle,.. not something skinny, bone-y and hairless!!)

BUT THEN,..... before this lady could depart from her beloved cat,.. they first needed to embrace in a saliva exchanging, tongues meeting, face licking, passionate kiss.  

I'M SERIOUS,.. she was TOTALLY making out with her cat/thing.  

BARF.

SICK.  

NASTY.

But now I understand her make-up a little better,.. her cat was the one telling her she looked good,.....

My Planter

Dear Jerk Face that stole my brand new planter from the front of my house while I was gone this weekend,........  

I will hunt you down,...........

and cut you.

And then I will call your mother and tell her about how big of a disappointment you are to society.

And then I will take you to a tattoo parlor, and instead of letting you pick out your own tat,.. I will have 

THEIF

written on your forehead,.. misspelled, and in beautiful calligraphy,.. just to throw people off.

You weiner.

Love, The Owner of beloved Planter.

Memorial Day & A Wedding

Memorial Day was fun,.. We love spending time with Peter's Family at Spring Haven.  It's always a blast when everyone gets together.  Catch Phrase at midnight is bound to produce side-splitting, pant wetting(NOT ME THIS TIME!!!!) laughter, espically when people are talking/singing jibberish and trying to despratly to give clues to something, NONE of us have ever heard, or just plain skipping the ovbious clues and instead opting for a song.  I am lame and took like 2 pictures.

What a cute Grandpa with his little grand baby!

The next weekend we were able to go to Riley's wedding.  Riley is Peter's cousin,.. and best friend.  Peter's buddies from College(and High School) are really awesome, and happened to marry AWESOME women, and we all really like each other.  I think it's amazing.  So thanks Peter for having awesome friends,.. and thanks awesome friends for waiting for my stamp of approval on your chickas!!!  ;)  

Aren't my in-laws stylin'!?!? 

Yes.  They are as cool as they look.

Pictures

I got my kiddos pictures taken by the ever AMAZING Tiffany.  I will just say this,.. when I first laid eyes on these pictures,.. I burst into tears right in the middle of the Denver International Airport. :D  Tiffany has mad skills,.. but she also had amazing props to work with.  It's official,.. my kids are EXQUISITE!

I'm obsessed with them.

Like I should go to Rehab over the obsession.  

Highway to Heaven

Hi everyone! This is Pete. I know you usually tune in to read Amanda's posts, and I know she blogs like 100 times better than I do, but I saw somthing yesterday that I just had to share with you all.

Yesterday we went to a family reunion up at Kelly's Grove in Springville. On our way back to Pleasant Grove on the freeway, we were just talking and enjoying the fact that we didn't have to be anywhere (except home for naps) for the rest of the day. As we neared Provo, I looked over and saw the following picture. At first, nothing sparked my interest, but about 5 seconds later, I looked back and realized what it was a picture of...

That's right people. That is a picture of exactly what you think it is; a motorcycle hearse (or at least an ad for one - I imagine that the hearse trailer thingy is inside there.) So yes, in case you were wondering if you had options when you die as to how you will be transported from viewing to grave, you do! I personally have decided that this is the way to go for sure. If you really like motorcycles (and hopefully, a motorcycle wasn't the cause of you becoming a customer) this is the way to go.

As we pulled up alongside the trailer I realized there was another picture on the side that I also couldn't pass up...

We also took a look at their website http://www.lastryde.com/ ...

Amanda says I'm not allowed to use them for myself, but the way I figure it, she always says she has to be the one to die first, so not only will I use it for me, but I will also use it for her. We could totally make it classy and in good taste.

Who wouldn't want one last ride?

Miss Piss(ed)

I know you have all been just DYING,... waiting to hear this story!

It's pretty good.

So this is from a few weeks ago, on my way to Florida.  I had a layover in Phoenix, and then went from Phoenix to Orlando.  Chloe was an ANGEL!!!!!!!!  I'm serious.  She is just the best baby on the planet, fo real! 

Chloe will stare at you, until you acknowledge her, and when you do, you may get one of a few things,.. she may shy away and snuggle me(my favorite,.. for me),.. you might get a wave and "hiiiiiiiiii" from her,.. you may get the squishy face, in which she squishes her nose and bares her cute little(giant) teeth.  {Yumm I love her}

{How can you not GUSH over this!?}

So we run from one plane to connect on the next one, and hop right on.  I waited to be last, on purpose because I like to be the last one on the plane,.. I also wanted to move seats so that there would be an empty seat for Chloe.. so it all worked out.. and I was stoked to have an empty seat for Chloe to sit and play with her toys and lay down when she wanted to sleep.  So I get to my seat and someone helped me get my bag in the over head.. I look down and the isle seat has a lady sitting in it.  So I say "excuse me.. those are our seats, could we get in" {I was super nice BTW}  and she IMMEDIATELY gets all huffy and moves, but wasn't happy about it.  Did she think that she had chartered a private jet and all these people were a surprise or something?,.. like did you really sit in the isle seat thinking that no one was going to sit in the other two seats?  For real!?  Anyway,.. we sit down and get all situated... Chloe was sitting in the middle seat, and me by the window.  Chloe was just as happy as a can be, playing.  We start to take off, and I notice her bag wiggling,.. no worries,.... she totally had her dog with her.  I am no lover of dogs,.. I don't hate them,.. I just don't really like them,.. and I have a slight allergy to them{awesome}.  So we get in the air and she turns to me, and in a SUPER rude voice, says,.. "Did you buy this seat in the middle?"  And I said,.. no,.. I asked the Flight Attendant if we could be seated somewhere where my daughter could have a seat.  She rolled her eyes and looked away. 

-whatever-

So then she pulls out all these papers, and I conclude that she is an English teacher at some level,.. whether it's high school, or college, I don't know,.. but she gets ALL sorts of ticked off that she can't find her pen,.. and then when she finally did find it,.. it didn't work. which made her more angry at the world.

Well,.. she gets up to go to the bathroom or something,.. and so I figured while she was up,.. I would get up and change Chloe, and get her a bottle, and all ready to take a nap.  So I come back and this lady had taken her dog out,.. and sat it on Chloe's seat,.. and her computer and papers were on my seat, and when I tapped her shoulder to ask to let us back in,.. she looked up at me and paused,,.... and then rolled her eyes,.. and started moving her stuff,.. but what the heck was she thinking?  We walked off the plane to take a pee?!?  Like we weren't coming back to our stuff or anything?!?  dummy. 

I just kept thinking,.. "Man,.. who peed in your soggy cheerios this morning!?"

I sat Chloe back down and she was just happy playing with her rings, and patting her legs with them,.. Well that got boring,..so then she started hitting the arm rest with them.  {tee hee}  and OH MY WORD,.. I thought this lady was going to DIE,.. I'm not kidding,.. she started pulling on her hair, and kept gasping and saying the lords name in vain,.. it was like it was the worst thing that could ever happen, in the history of the world, times 10.  At this point I was getting a good laugh out of it all,.. she was totally obnoxious.  Well,..I looked over just in time to see Chloe grab her arm.

END OF THE UNIVERSE,........

She literally JUMPED out of her seat as if Chloe had some infectious disease{she does,.. it's called happiness} and she scowled at me and said "Please!!! Don't,.. just DON"T touch me!!!" 

YIKES.

So she puts her ear buds in and turned her music all the way up and started jammin out!  And by that I mean,.. full on singing,.. I believe the line was something like "tears of change" somepin, somepin.  I'm not kidding when I tell you that Chloe can sing better than her.  It was AWFUL!

So Chloe was getting tired, and cranky, and so I was snuggling her.  She wanted her crib, and some alone, quiet time,.. and so she cried.  She cried for probably 10 minutes.  And then ZONKED.  All the while, Miss Piss, was FREAKING out,.. including, literally pulling her hair, and throwing her hands in the air,.. and yelling things that were just obnoxious,...... but hilarious to me.  I really started laughing her her poor sap of a shell of an actual human. 

So Chloe and I drift off into DisneyWorld dream land and I woke up and looked over at Miss Piss, and she has got her whole hand,.. FULL ON,.. down her pants,... and when I say full on,.. I mean Forearm and down,.. completely down her pants,.. scratchin like there was no tomorrow.  SICK!!!!!!!!!!  BARF!!!!!!!!  GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!  VOMIT ALL OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was one person who was nice on the plane,.. she was playing peek-a-boo with Chloe. {thank you nice lady}

So,.. when the pilot came on and said that we would be landing soon, Miss Piss, was thanking the Lord,.. I don't know why,.. I'm pretty sure that it was the pilot we should be thanking,.. but I chimed right in and said "I know,.. this flight has been awful,....... but only because you were on it,.. you were SO rude."  Teee hee!!  She got all huffy and was petting her dog.  I SO wanted to say,.. at least you found someone to love you,.. too bad it has 4 legs and can't speak,..licks it's butt, and THEN kisses you. 

Did I mention that I had a wonderfully working pen this whole time!? 

Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! 
{Im pretty sure Miss Piss is one of Ugly Lady from Macey's daughter!}
{^that's a link for the Ugly Lady Story^}