Counting my Blessings

CAUTION: Long Wordy post!!

So,.. Our beautiful baby girl is here. No,.. We are not naming her Freedom, or Liberty or anything.

She is PERFECT! Clean bill of health, beautiful as can be. She has hair,.. WHAT? A lot of it too. (I was quite surprised seeing as how I was bald till I was 2 and Peter,.. well,..!? )

As soon as she was out, we were joking and laughing, and enjoying not being pregnant any more.

Then the drama/trauma came.

This might be TMI.

They couldn't control my bleeding. I lost over 2 liters of blood in just an hour and a half. They would check me every 20 minutes, by check, I mean they would push AS HARD AS POSSIBLE on my stomach until I stopped GUSHING. I am an incurable optimist, and so I didn't really think anything of it. Especially because they had given me Percocet and I was in happy land. Well it kept happening and kept happening.

They gave me a shot,.. didn't work.

Another shot,.. didn't work.

A horse pill plus IV medicine,.. didn't work.

Other pills, inserted in a place considered exit only,.. didn't work.

I thought they had like 20 more options.

FINALLY the shot that they "never have to give people" that makes you really sick(not me though! :)) WORKED!!!!!!!!!! YEA!! I was so glad.

I think the meds all made me REALLY loopy and I professed my love to my AMAZING nurse like 50 times, but made sure she knew it wasn't a lesbian love. That's pretty much all the conversation I remember, but I DO remember feeling like I was on a roll making people laugh, and I like to do that. So I am SURE I really embarrassed my self.

They decided that with all my blood loss that I needed a transfusion. They gave me 2 units of blood,.. and We thought we were out of the woods.

NOT

They took us down to post partum. We finally got some much needed sleep. Bailey got to come meet her sister, with Grandma and Grandpa Robbins, and Aunt Bekah. My nurse came in and reminded me I needed to get up an use the bathroom(you all know how GREAT my bladder is.) So Jan and Lynn left, and I went to get up, pushed the sheets back,.. and there was blood ALL over. So my nurse came in, and within about 20 minutes I had about 6 nurses, and the anesthesia team in my room, ready to go to Emergency Surgery.

After the percocet wearing out that morning I had a chance to have a REAL coherent conversation with Kimmy(my new love). We were at a point where there was ONE option left to save my girl parts(uterus and such). This was it. Our last option was an Emergency D&C. Which is what they usually do when you have a miscarriage to clean out your uterus. They were thinking I had a piece of placenta stuck on the uterine wall. So I had Peter ask his dad to come back and help with a 3rd blessing. (one before I went in to deliver, one after I started hemorrhaging, and one before surgery.) They had me in surgery so fast I couldn't believe it.

Good news,... they didn't find anything there.

Bad news,.. they didn't find anything there.

Meaning, we aren't sure of the reason I couldn't stop bleeding. Assumption now being that when Chloe's placenta was growing, it grew INTO the uterus. So when the placenta detached, there was a lot bigger hole there to shrink and heal.

Odd news,.. I am REALLY funny on pain killers and just out of anesthesia. I remember being REALLY frustrated that they were making me wear a face oxygen mask,.. and I kept taking it off. Then I asked them if I could say the "s" word, and I think I kept saying it. When I got back to my room, Peter and his parents were there, and I told Peter I had been cussing and then told Lynn that I promised I would repent. (I knew he was worried about my repentance at this point! ;) ) I also confessed to the OR nurses that I loved them, they deserved raises, and none of them were fat, or looked a day past 20. ( I never opened my eyes, so I'm pretty sure I am there favorite patient EVER!) These are things I BARELY remember, so I also might be making all this up too!) I do remember thinking that I am saying RIDICULOUS things but I couldn't stop, it was word vomit!

They packed my uterus with cloth basically and waited about 18 hours to see how the bleeding went. They would come and push as hard as they possibly could on my tummy(bruises to prove so) and see if they could push any clots, or blood out.

THEY COULDN'T,.. and they could tell that the bleeding had slowed WAY down. So then it was mostly wait and see how I did when they pulled the cloth out,.. and I did GREAT!! Oh I was SOOOO relieved.

There were MANY bawling sessions from me, where I was pretty much inconsolable. Going into the hospital, all I could think about was any complications that Chloe may encounter. I didn't stop to think ONCE about what my body was going to go through and the possibility of such a scary experience. All I could think about was the fact that I am 23 and facing a HUGE surgery to have a hysterectomy, or even worse, the bleeding wouldn't get under control. All I could think about was leaving my two beautiful girls and my amazing husband on this earth without me. Many prayers were said. Many tears were shed. My mom and I had a good long conversation about life. Peter and I cried at the possibility that Chloe may be our youngest child. My eyes have been opened and my heart softened. I hate to say it that way, but I know that I needed a big wake up call to realize some big things needed to change for ME. I didn't think it would be a 2x4 to my gut, but I will never take what I have for granted again.

So,.. prognosis,..... We don't really know. I have talked to my Dr. a little about it and it sounds like we will get one more baby probably, and if this happens again with #3, they probably won't go this far to save my uterus. But there is a possibility it won't happen again,.. or it could happen with #4. So we just have to take it one baby at a time, pray a lot, and hope for the best. I doubt we will make it to 13 like we wanted. JAY KAY!!

So all in all,.. I am back in post-partum, and I am feeling pretty good. My blood levels are still pretty low, but they are at a point where I can regenerate what I need to on my own, so they won't need to transfuse any more. I look like a giant marshmallow,.. REALLY pale and SUPER swollen. Think of my feet a few posts ago,.. well it's worse,.. my hands and face match my feet,.. they couldn't find a vein my arms are so swollen. But that's okay. I am here,.. my baby is healthy,.. my other baby is having a BLAST at Bear Lake with her Punkas and cousins, my husband is amazing and bought me treats that I am quickly consuming. I am happy. I am grateful. I am blessed. Thank you all for your love and concern. I will post some more pictures when we are home next week. This isn't the pain killers talking,.. I love you all!!

Amanda