Ode to Rachel

My dearest Rachel Robbins Clarke.

Oh how amazing your skillz are.

You rock.

Thank you for catching these precious moments of my baby girl, and for capturing them with Bailey also.

{Thank You}

{Thank You}

{Thank You!!}

Enjoy her

(pictures)

I do!

and I can't seem to keep Bailey from lying on top of her to smother her in kisses,.. and if I could,.. I would too!!

There is just something so cute about stuffing a chubby baby in a teacup!?

I couldn't resist posting this one.

"Oh!"

Oh goodness, she is beautiful! I am so in love!

Even though she is TOTALLY her father, I see a little of me in her, in this picture!? Maybe I just want to think I am beautiful, because she IS beautiful!

WARNING

Mushie Factor:10+

3 years ago,....

We were kid-less, homeless, starving students. Okay,.. we weren't REALLY homeless, or starving,.. but definitely kid-less. and students,.. if you count being ENROLLED in classes but not ATTENDING them, a student, then check!(me,.. not Peter)

Our Anniversary was actually on Monday, but seeing as how I didn't even get a shower this week, until today(oh whatever,.. I know you have all gone at least that long ONCE) blogging wasn't going to happen either.

I can honestly say, it's been the best 3 years of my life, and I am going to go ahead and say the same for my husband because, well,... I know how AWESOME I am to be married to!!!

{N'T}

But he puts up with me(THANK GOODNESS!). I think he thinks there is a trophy wife under this stuff that is all too similar to jello jugglers,.. I don't know why else he would stick around. (let's just let him think that,.. humm-kay!?)

All jokes aside, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my husband. He is amazing and makes me want to be a better person. He is an amazing father,.. OH MY GOODNESS,.. such an amazing daddy!!

So 3 years ago, I made the BIGGEST and BEST decision of my life. It didn't take me long to know it was right,.. how could you resist this!?

I love you Peter!! Thank you for marrying me,.. and being so amazing!!

Some of my favorite moments since we have been married:

-OBVIOUSLY the birth of our children-

-Our Honeymoon{broken bed}-

-Our trips to Argentina!-

-All the times you have corrected me when I said stukid things-

{ie. quirps, norwegia, skitzafoid}

-All of our hilarious sleep talking experiences-

I'm excited for an Eternity of funny stories and lots of love!

Sisters

Bailey loves her new little sister!! I really was having panic attacks before Chloe's arrival thinking about how Bailey would handle it all. I am SHOCKED at how well she has done with her new little sister. I guess the adjustment from Mommy sitting on the couch all day to Mommy sitting on the couch all day wasn't THAT hard for her!! humm,..'magine that!

Good News:

I had a little check up today so they could see how my blood was doin' these days,.. like if I had enough and stuff and such as.

Dr. Haskett(AAAAmazing!) reassured me that just because I had a MASSIVE hemorrhage doesn't mean I can't have a bazillion more babies!! YAHOOOOO!!! There was no evidence that my placenta grew into my Uterus(I don't know the medical term). I guess my Uterus was just being fickle and wouldn't cramp down and stay cramped down, it would relax and just couldn't make up it's mind that it was going to stay cramped down.

Order IUD,.. Check!

I LOVE my babies,.. but don't need another one for 2 years.

With my luck, I will be due again on July 5th and have a baby on July 2nd.

(Bailey's due date, July 6th, Chloe's due date July 7th)

(Bailey's birthday, June 30th, Chloe's birthday July 3rd)

Yes,.. we are just that good!

Wanna know something fun?

Chloe already has a cousin younger than her!!

Here is the SUPER fun part.

Peter's brother Andy(wife Emily) have 2 boys and 2 girls. Gabe and Noah are 7 and 5. They are super cute kids! Eve and Esther are 2 and 2 days.

Eve and Bailey are 6 weeks apart. And Chloe and Esther are 8 days apart.

NO!!

We did not plan this. Bailey was very much a surprise, (BEST surprise ever!) and Chloe was totally planned(Disneyland souvenir), but we were unaware of Andy and Emily's intent on getting pregnant also.

Anyway,.... It has been SOOOO fun for Bailey to have a cousin so close in age (and location). We say they are best friends and yes,.. this is very much a forced friendship. Like they even know!? Being as young as they are, they haven't really acknowledged each other, they just do their own little thing, but the last few times we have been together Bailey and Eve haven't left each others sides. I LOVE IT!! If they lose track of each other they call out,.. "where are you?" and grow anxious if they can't find each other.

I grew up with 3 cousins and come to find out only 2 of them are really my cousins,....? And I haven't seen any of them in over 10 years. It's sad, yes. But what I am getting at is this whole cousins being friends thing, is SUPER foreign to me. I always wished I could have that for myself, but there wasn't much I could do about it, but hope for it, for my children.

So,.........

I am proud to announce a new best friend pair.

Esther & Chloe

Hey Esther,.. pull my finger! (Peter told me to write that, and I agreed, it was funny!)

Cute little best friend feet

On another note of Best Friends,.. Bailey REALLY loves her new little sister. She ALWAYS wants to see "baby co-wee" and when she sees her she says,.. "oh!! baby co-wee, cute" and gives her a super soft kiss. She is so good about being soft, and we have been able to use Chloe as a good reason not to scream anymore. It's prefect for all of us!!!!!

LeT FrEeDoM RiNg!

I JUST realized that I made my last post on the 4th. It came and went, and I missed it. That's okay,.. I am just more than happy that my uterus and I will be celebrating it next year!!! That's happy!! So I just have a few minutes while my mom entertains Bailey in the little pool outside to post a few pictures. So here you go.

This is my love,.. Kimmy. I blogged about her earlier. So I really do love her. She was the BEST nurse EVER!! I cry when I start thinking about her. It was like 15 minutes after this picture was taken that I started hemorrhaging. I didn't think that a person I never knew before could care so much. She would come in and see me before her shifts and after her shifts, even when I wasn't her patient. She Was very open and honest with me about what was going on, even though it wasn't good news. She was always just RIGHT there to help me with WHATEVER!

If you ever have a baby at American Fork Hospital,.. ask for this girl. She was seriously AMAZING!! Thank you Kimmy!

Bailey came to visit and meet her new sister. Who she can't get enough of. She wants to just look at her all the time. It's so cute. She left, and then I started hemorrhaging again, and pictures have been the last thing on my mind since.

Then we got to go home. We are happy to be here. All together as a family, with my Uterus. I have a feeling you are all going to hear many praises to that organ over the next few posts. We have become good friends through all of this.

So an Amanda Update,.. I am feeling MUCH better. My hemotacrit is still pretty low, so I am busy making more blood and (red?) blood cells. But other than that,.. i just feel like i had a baby. Which is GREAT news. I am still pretty swollen considering all the fluids they pumped into me and the blood transfusion. So,.. I appreciate all of your concern and love and prayers. They were felt! Thank you!!

Counting my Blessings

CAUTION: Long Wordy post!!

So,.. Our beautiful baby girl is here. No,.. We are not naming her Freedom, or Liberty or anything.

She is PERFECT! Clean bill of health, beautiful as can be. She has hair,.. WHAT? A lot of it too. (I was quite surprised seeing as how I was bald till I was 2 and Peter,.. well,..!? )

As soon as she was out, we were joking and laughing, and enjoying not being pregnant any more.

Then the drama/trauma came.

This might be TMI.

They couldn't control my bleeding. I lost over 2 liters of blood in just an hour and a half. They would check me every 20 minutes, by check, I mean they would push AS HARD AS POSSIBLE on my stomach until I stopped GUSHING. I am an incurable optimist, and so I didn't really think anything of it. Especially because they had given me Percocet and I was in happy land. Well it kept happening and kept happening.

They gave me a shot,.. didn't work.

Another shot,.. didn't work.

A horse pill plus IV medicine,.. didn't work.

Other pills, inserted in a place considered exit only,.. didn't work.

I thought they had like 20 more options.

FINALLY the shot that they "never have to give people" that makes you really sick(not me though! :)) WORKED!!!!!!!!!! YEA!! I was so glad.

I think the meds all made me REALLY loopy and I professed my love to my AMAZING nurse like 50 times, but made sure she knew it wasn't a lesbian love. That's pretty much all the conversation I remember, but I DO remember feeling like I was on a roll making people laugh, and I like to do that. So I am SURE I really embarrassed my self.

They decided that with all my blood loss that I needed a transfusion. They gave me 2 units of blood,.. and We thought we were out of the woods.

NOT

They took us down to post partum. We finally got some much needed sleep. Bailey got to come meet her sister, with Grandma and Grandpa Robbins, and Aunt Bekah. My nurse came in and reminded me I needed to get up an use the bathroom(you all know how GREAT my bladder is.) So Jan and Lynn left, and I went to get up, pushed the sheets back,.. and there was blood ALL over. So my nurse came in, and within about 20 minutes I had about 6 nurses, and the anesthesia team in my room, ready to go to Emergency Surgery.

After the percocet wearing out that morning I had a chance to have a REAL coherent conversation with Kimmy(my new love). We were at a point where there was ONE option left to save my girl parts(uterus and such). This was it. Our last option was an Emergency D&C. Which is what they usually do when you have a miscarriage to clean out your uterus. They were thinking I had a piece of placenta stuck on the uterine wall. So I had Peter ask his dad to come back and help with a 3rd blessing. (one before I went in to deliver, one after I started hemorrhaging, and one before surgery.) They had me in surgery so fast I couldn't believe it.

Good news,... they didn't find anything there.

Bad news,.. they didn't find anything there.

Meaning, we aren't sure of the reason I couldn't stop bleeding. Assumption now being that when Chloe's placenta was growing, it grew INTO the uterus. So when the placenta detached, there was a lot bigger hole there to shrink and heal.

Odd news,.. I am REALLY funny on pain killers and just out of anesthesia. I remember being REALLY frustrated that they were making me wear a face oxygen mask,.. and I kept taking it off. Then I asked them if I could say the "s" word, and I think I kept saying it. When I got back to my room, Peter and his parents were there, and I told Peter I had been cussing and then told Lynn that I promised I would repent. (I knew he was worried about my repentance at this point! ;) ) I also confessed to the OR nurses that I loved them, they deserved raises, and none of them were fat, or looked a day past 20. ( I never opened my eyes, so I'm pretty sure I am there favorite patient EVER!) These are things I BARELY remember, so I also might be making all this up too!) I do remember thinking that I am saying RIDICULOUS things but I couldn't stop, it was word vomit!

They packed my uterus with cloth basically and waited about 18 hours to see how the bleeding went. They would come and push as hard as they possibly could on my tummy(bruises to prove so) and see if they could push any clots, or blood out.

THEY COULDN'T,.. and they could tell that the bleeding had slowed WAY down. So then it was mostly wait and see how I did when they pulled the cloth out,.. and I did GREAT!! Oh I was SOOOO relieved.

There were MANY bawling sessions from me, where I was pretty much inconsolable. Going into the hospital, all I could think about was any complications that Chloe may encounter. I didn't stop to think ONCE about what my body was going to go through and the possibility of such a scary experience. All I could think about was the fact that I am 23 and facing a HUGE surgery to have a hysterectomy, or even worse, the bleeding wouldn't get under control. All I could think about was leaving my two beautiful girls and my amazing husband on this earth without me. Many prayers were said. Many tears were shed. My mom and I had a good long conversation about life. Peter and I cried at the possibility that Chloe may be our youngest child. My eyes have been opened and my heart softened. I hate to say it that way, but I know that I needed a big wake up call to realize some big things needed to change for ME. I didn't think it would be a 2x4 to my gut, but I will never take what I have for granted again.

So,.. prognosis,..... We don't really know. I have talked to my Dr. a little about it and it sounds like we will get one more baby probably, and if this happens again with #3, they probably won't go this far to save my uterus. But there is a possibility it won't happen again,.. or it could happen with #4. So we just have to take it one baby at a time, pray a lot, and hope for the best. I doubt we will make it to 13 like we wanted. JAY KAY!!

So all in all,.. I am back in post-partum, and I am feeling pretty good. My blood levels are still pretty low, but they are at a point where I can regenerate what I need to on my own, so they won't need to transfuse any more. I look like a giant marshmallow,.. REALLY pale and SUPER swollen. Think of my feet a few posts ago,.. well it's worse,.. my hands and face match my feet,.. they couldn't find a vein my arms are so swollen. But that's okay. I am here,.. my baby is healthy,.. my other baby is having a BLAST at Bear Lake with her Punkas and cousins, my husband is amazing and bought me treats that I am quickly consuming. I am happy. I am grateful. I am blessed. Thank you all for your love and concern. I will post some more pictures when we are home next week. This isn't the pain killers talking,.. I love you all!!

Amanda

Chloe!!!!!!!!

Our souvenier from our trip to Disneyland last October finally arrived last night at 1:39 AM. Chloe Marie Robbins weighed 7 lbs. 5 oz. and is 18.5 in. long. She is sooooo pretty and loves to stick out her tongue. There were a few complications post delivery that Amanda will fo sho blog about later (this is Peter).

impatient

No,.. not "IN" patient,.. much to my dismay.

This is crap.

Tuesday's Dr. Appointment:

4 cm and 95% effaced=NOTHING

Induction scheduled for today=NOTHING

7:00am-they started taking patients to induce

9:40am-phone call from the hospital saying,.. be here at 11:30 and we will get the ball rolling

11:25-phone call from the charge nurse apologizing but they are going to have to push me back to 1:00.

1:00pm-I CALL THEM-it shouldn't be more than another hour.

2:00pm-I CALL THEM AGAIN- Go to a movie, go shopping, take advantage of having your daughter with a babysitter. RELAX. Lucky for you,.. we will have you come in as late as 2am to be induced!!! SO HAPPY!! (sarcasm a little?) Call us if you haven't heard back from us by 5.

BULL CRAP!!!

Being 7th on the list just means,.. "We are going to deliver everyone ahead of you,.. all of which will have complications, and you can sit around your house all day, ANXIOUSLY waiting our phone call, but in the mean time,.. go shopping,.. go to a movie,.. just relax!"

Umm,.. did you really say that to me,.. a person who has done EVERYTHING under the sun to have this baby in the last 2 weeks to no avail. A person with SUCH swollen feet, there are rolls where there ought not be rolls. A person on the WAY TOO OVERLY EMOTIONAL end of the emotional spectrum. A person who has peed her pants DAILY since February because of the added pressure to my already CRAPPY bladder. A person who has had her "mommy bag" packed and IN THE CAR for 3 weeks. A person who's wedding ring no longer fits(and is emo about it). A person who

JUST WANTS HER BABY ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So in the mean time,.. I have made a butt load of head bands,.. some wipe cases(Laura,..you are still going to get yours even though your baby is like 21 and can gamble now!) and made Bailey and little sister matching bracelets.

Who goes into labor on their own anyway!?!? ;)